dinsdag 16 juni 2009

het vervolg van deze blog is te vinden op Desteni.net
I continue this blog in the Dutch language on Desteni.net

thanks for reading

dinsdag 21 april 2009

expand here, holding back is prolonging the existence as seperated from all else. Everything is someone.
I find myself driven by desire. Desire to fly my modelairplanes, desire to work at my sisters horsefarm...
Desire you have an experience for myself. Driven by desire things start to go wrong.

When I am eating and disappear in thoughts, my teeth bite my tongue. ouch! I am back.

maandag 20 april 2009

Hi,
being with the dog or the cat, I am loosing my mind. Still here. The same on the bicycle, shaking my head a few times, lightly. Not holding myself back, to be a personality with a point of view, a opinion, different from all else.
I dissolve. No more I, still here. Here is all that is.

vrijdag 20 maart 2009

Some time ago Mirjam talked in many different voices to me. She said: I like to play with these voices. I said: you don't play, you become the voices. In the mean time I was looking at my reactions to the voices. In a moment I realised i was trying to relate to the voices. I said stop, I don't have to relate to them, It is somethoing playing out in her. I selfforgave my attempts to relate. It has nothing to do with me. Some time later she addressed me with a "funny" voice again, but I didn't react, I stayed in the here moment. In haven't heard the voices since.

donderdag 19 februari 2009

continuing on first memory

Hi,
In one single moment at my age of three and a half years old, I split myself into six different persons with specific relations and a here and a there.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to split myself in a here and a there.

In the same moment I believed the thought that I split myself in a now and a before: time was born. Because I followed thought: I am here with my grandparents but before I was brought here and this whole thing was planned before.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe the thought that I split myself into this moment and the time before.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe the thought that I had given up on myself in this one moment as all-one and rather believed the mind construct of separation.

Giving up on myself is of the mind. I believed the thoughts and feelings in that moment. Who was this I? I formed myself a opinion on who I would be related to who they would be. From this opinion I formed myself a placement as less important than my sister, as a object that can be put out of the way, as a victim to manipulation and conspiracy.

Existing now as a personality, I was angry at my parents, feeling less than my sister and disappointed in my grandparents who had apparently joined in the conspiracy. I had the feeling I had given up on myself because I didn't stay in the breath as breath.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to stay in the breath as the breath, all-one.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to feel disappointed in my grandparents because they joined the conspiracy of my parents to have me out of the way for my sister to be born.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to feel that my parents had set up a conspiracy with my grandparents to have me out of the way for my sister to be born.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to feel angry at my parents for setting up a cospiraCY WITH MY GRANDPARENTS IN ORDER TO HAVE ME OUT OF THE WAY FOR MY SISTER TO BE BORN.

I now had formed myself into a opinion on who I would be and from being this opinion of who I would be I formed opinions on the apparent others, as who they would be.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have the opinion that my sister is more important to my parents than I.

I created myself a point of view. Projected onto my body. As the center of the opinion on who I would be. I felt I had to struggle to get the feeling that I was as important to my parents as my sister.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to struggle to get the feeling I'm as important as my sister, to my parents.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to feel a competition with my sister in being important to our parents.

This played out during my lifetime.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to live Selfdishonesty as the created polarity of being more or less important than my sister to my parents.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to live Selfdishonesty as separation, instead of staying in the breath as the breath.

thanks

first memory

Hi,
I look up to my grandma, she is on the phone. I understand that she gets a call from my parents that my sister is born. I think: so that's why I am here, I had to get out of the way because my sister is born.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe the thought that I have to get out of the way because of my sister being born.

This was Selfdishonesty where I separated myself from my parents as the ones that put me aside.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe the thought that my parents put me aside in favor of my sister.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define myself as mere a object that can be removed to have it out of the way.

I felt betrayed, it was a conspiracy: I wasn't at my grandparents because of me, I was there as part of a plan to have me out of the way for my sister to be born.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe the thought that I was a victim of manipulation.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe the thought and to have the feeling that my parents and my grandparents were in a conspiracy to get me out of the way for my sister to be born.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to deny the joy of my mother I felt as my joy, and separate me from her and rather believe the thought that I was put aside for my sister to be born.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be defined by the thought that I am a child having grandparents.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the thought: I have parents, I am my parents' child, denying myself as all-one.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the thought: I have a sister, as separation, denying I am all-one and equal.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe the feeling that I am less than my sister, denying I am all-one an equal.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to my placement in the unified field as my parents' child, my grandparents' grandchild and my sisters' brother, denying myself as all-one and equal.

woensdag 11 februari 2009

Projectie. Je zou denken dat het fenomeen projectie (je ziet iets in een ander wat je zelf bent) nu wel algemeen tot de mensheid doorgedrongen zou zijn. Verre van dat, spijtig genoeg. Je moet er net iets meer moeite voor doen dan met de vinger naar een ander wijzen. Je moet echt even speuren in jezelf waar en hoe datgene wat je bij de ander ziet in jezelf aanwezig is.
liefdesliedjes gaan meestentijds over "ik kan niet zonder jou". Dit wordt als een aanbeveling van iemands liefde beschouwd. In feite hebben we hier een vorm van emotionele gehechtheid die de ander claimt.
"Ik heb jou niet nodig", zou een liefdesverklaring zijn die de ander vrijlaat. Of: "ik kan prima leven zonder jou". Wanneer kunnen we de eerste liefdesliedjes met woorden van gelijke strekking tegemoet zien?