donderdag 19 februari 2009

continuing on first memory

Hi,
In one single moment at my age of three and a half years old, I split myself into six different persons with specific relations and a here and a there.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to split myself in a here and a there.

In the same moment I believed the thought that I split myself in a now and a before: time was born. Because I followed thought: I am here with my grandparents but before I was brought here and this whole thing was planned before.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe the thought that I split myself into this moment and the time before.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe the thought that I had given up on myself in this one moment as all-one and rather believed the mind construct of separation.

Giving up on myself is of the mind. I believed the thoughts and feelings in that moment. Who was this I? I formed myself a opinion on who I would be related to who they would be. From this opinion I formed myself a placement as less important than my sister, as a object that can be put out of the way, as a victim to manipulation and conspiracy.

Existing now as a personality, I was angry at my parents, feeling less than my sister and disappointed in my grandparents who had apparently joined in the conspiracy. I had the feeling I had given up on myself because I didn't stay in the breath as breath.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to stay in the breath as the breath, all-one.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to feel disappointed in my grandparents because they joined the conspiracy of my parents to have me out of the way for my sister to be born.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to feel that my parents had set up a conspiracy with my grandparents to have me out of the way for my sister to be born.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to feel angry at my parents for setting up a cospiraCY WITH MY GRANDPARENTS IN ORDER TO HAVE ME OUT OF THE WAY FOR MY SISTER TO BE BORN.

I now had formed myself into a opinion on who I would be and from being this opinion of who I would be I formed opinions on the apparent others, as who they would be.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have the opinion that my sister is more important to my parents than I.

I created myself a point of view. Projected onto my body. As the center of the opinion on who I would be. I felt I had to struggle to get the feeling that I was as important to my parents as my sister.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to struggle to get the feeling I'm as important as my sister, to my parents.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to feel a competition with my sister in being important to our parents.

This played out during my lifetime.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to live Selfdishonesty as the created polarity of being more or less important than my sister to my parents.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to live Selfdishonesty as separation, instead of staying in the breath as the breath.

thanks

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