donderdag 19 februari 2009

first memory

Hi,
I look up to my grandma, she is on the phone. I understand that she gets a call from my parents that my sister is born. I think: so that's why I am here, I had to get out of the way because my sister is born.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe the thought that I have to get out of the way because of my sister being born.

This was Selfdishonesty where I separated myself from my parents as the ones that put me aside.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe the thought that my parents put me aside in favor of my sister.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define myself as mere a object that can be removed to have it out of the way.

I felt betrayed, it was a conspiracy: I wasn't at my grandparents because of me, I was there as part of a plan to have me out of the way for my sister to be born.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe the thought that I was a victim of manipulation.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe the thought and to have the feeling that my parents and my grandparents were in a conspiracy to get me out of the way for my sister to be born.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to deny the joy of my mother I felt as my joy, and separate me from her and rather believe the thought that I was put aside for my sister to be born.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be defined by the thought that I am a child having grandparents.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the thought: I have parents, I am my parents' child, denying myself as all-one.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the thought: I have a sister, as separation, denying I am all-one and equal.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe the feeling that I am less than my sister, denying I am all-one an equal.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to my placement in the unified field as my parents' child, my grandparents' grandchild and my sisters' brother, denying myself as all-one and equal.

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